Funny Definitions 2

More from the same list here(but please view the original non-messy post):

karma

justice without the feeling of satisfaction

kindred

the fear of being visited by relatives or attending family reunions

kissing

a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other

kowtow

to pay homage to a sacred cow

lactose

consequences of frostbite

lecture

an art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either

limbo

the place where arms and legs go when they die

lunatic

insect from the moon

mascara

makeup that ghosts wear

memo

an office communication often written more for the benefit of the person who sends it than the person who receives it

mirror

a truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models

mug shot

a photo of a coffee cup

negotiate

to seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking together of heads

nightmare

a female horse that's used only for evening rides

nostalgia buff

one who finds the past perfect and present tense

nudist

one who grins and bares it

obesity

surplus gone to waist

operetta

the lady who answers the phone at the phone company

organic

church music

overprotective

you're not ready to know

pandemonium

a housing development for pandas

period

comma that curled up and went to sleep

pineapple

an apple that grew on a pine tree

polyunsaturated

a dry parrot

q

a very dependent letter that usually likes to hang around you

quarterback

change when you pay for a 75¢ item with a one-dollar bill

quark

the sound made by a well-bred duck

questionable

what the police do when they interrogate a cow's husband

rampage

section of a book about male sheep

recursive

see recursive

romance

ants in Italy

rubber band

a group of flexible musicians

salt

something useful in a pinch

scurry

take-out Indian food

silicon

a goofy prisoner

smoking

the world's leading cause of statistics

talent

what everyone has but you

telepathy

minding someone else's business

thesaurus

an extinct reptile with a phenomenal vocabulary

tree

a plant used to stop cars

undercover agent

a spy in bed

unicellular

a small jail

upgrade

result of studying hard

user-friendly

of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer

Venetian blind

a sightless person from Italy

vicious circle

a wedding ring

vanguard

a person who protects trucks

voting

the right of our citizens to do as they please behind a curtain, as long as they do it alone

want

an ant in need

weightless

shorter delays

wisdom

knowing what to do with what you know

world

a jigsaw puzzle with a peace missing

Xeroxes

Persian photocopy king

xylophone

small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums"

yawn

1. an honest opinion openly expressed
2. a silent shout, inside out
3. the only time some married men ever get to open their mouth

yours

anything which, up to the present, others have not been able to get away from you

youthful figure

what you get when asking a woman's age

zeal

a quality seen in new graduates--if one is quick

zombie

a mirthless creature beloved by teenage horror movie fans and those in charge of the hiring at accounting firms